What ERP for ROCD Really Teaches About Love and Anxiety
By: Jen Lescher, LCSW/LICSW
In my last post, I began writing about arguably the most important part of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) for Relationship OCD (ROCD): response prevention.
What is Response Prevent in ERP?
Response prevention is how we resist doing rituals or compulsions when OCD is triggered during or after a planned or incidental exposure. An incidental exposure is one that happens simply because life happens. Many things that trigger OCD are part of everyday life. In ERP therapy, our goal is to reduce compulsions when we are exposed to our OCD fears.
In this post, I am going to continue discussing response prevention for mental compulsions. In my experience as an OCD therapist, mental compulsions are often the most difficult to manage. You can read more about specific examples of mental compulsions and ways to practice response prevention for these sneaky compulsions in my last post here: When Love Triggers Anxiety
Using Exposure Statements in ERP for OCD
Another way to manage mental compulsions is to practice mental exposure statements. These are statements that intentionally embrace uncertainty, which is what we are ultimately learning to get more comfortable with in OCD treatment. I'm going to use a hypothetical client situation to describe this. I find that made-up scenarios can be helpful in showing you, dear reader, what ERP for OCD actually looks like in real life.
Real Life Example
Let's say Jon is struggling with ROCD. His mental compulsions include a lot of rumination (looping on the same topic over and over again-it can feel like silently participating in a debate) and quietly analyzing everything his girlfriend does as he tries to determine whether he is certain he is attracted to her and whether they are 100% compatible. On the outside, it doesn't look like he is doing compulsions. But in his mind, he is checking, ruminating, scanning, and memory-checking, all mental compulsions.
His girlfriend doesn't know this is what's happening, but she senses he is distant. And the reality is, he is distant. He is disconnected from the relationship and from the present moment as he engages more and more in these mental compulsions. He is trying to find certainty that this is the right relationship. But because certainty doesn't exist in the way OCD demands it, the mental analyzing and searching can go on forever.
Learning to Accept Uncertainty
In this situation, we want to work toward Jon accepting that his relationship is uncertain. He can't accept uncertainty while also engaging in mental compulsions. So in ERP for ROCD, we begin using exposure statements that intentionally expose him to uncertainty.
For example, let's say he is caught in an internal debate about whether he and his girlfriend are truly compatible. This inner debate has moved far beyond normal reflection or problem-solving. It's consuming. It has gotten to the point where he has no idea what he feels, what makes a relationship healthy, or how he even knows if he loves someone. In essence, he has ruminated and questioned himself so much that he has lost self-trust.
Rebuilding Self-Trust Through ERP for ROCD
That self-trust is what we are trying to return to in ERP for ROCD.
Jon can't find certainty that he is in the right relationship, but we can work toward rebuilding his trust in himself. And he won't reach that by constantly questioning and checking. We have to step out of the OCD cycle in order to move back toward a healthier relationship with himself.
One way to step out of this mental OCD cycle is through exposure statements. He might say things to himself like:
Maybe we aren't compatible. Maybe we are. There's no way to know for sure.
There's no way to know with certainty that I'm attracted to her, and that makes me feel scared.
I am feeling anxious about this uncertainty in my relationship.
It would really hurt if we stayed together and it didn't work out.
There's no way to know what will happen in the future.
Maybe this is the wrong relationship, and we won't be together forever, but I'm not going to debate that right now.
I'm not going down that rabbit hole. I'm not entering that debate.
Why Exposure Statements Can Feel Uncomfortable at First
I realize these statements might sound jarring or even unsettling. They are exposure statements, and exposures often feel triggering at first. The goal is not to make you feel depressed or pessimistic. Instead, we are learning to accept uncertainty and to build tolerance for the distress that comes with it.
If Jon began to feel genuinely depressed while using these exposure statements, that would likely be a sign we've gotten off track. Exposure statements should activate OCD fears, not create hopelessness. If they are leading to a depressive spiral rather than anxiety about uncertainty, we would pause and reassess rather than continue using them.
Over time, uncertainty becomes less triggering because you have repeatedly exposed yourself to it and practiced not engaging in compulsions. Through that process, your confidence grows-not because you found certainty, but because you learned you can handle not having it.
Please note this is educational material about ERP for OCD and not therapeutic advice. ERP is highly individualized and, in my opinion, is not a one-size-fits-all approach.
To learn more about mental compulsions and how to handle them, this is a great read:
What’s Next in ERP Therapy for OCD
If you're finding that rumination, mental reviewing, or the need to "figure things out" is taking up a lot of space in your life, it may be helpful to have more structured support with this process. ERP therapy is not just about understanding OCD-it's about learning how to respond to it differently, especially in those moments when it feels most convincing.
Jen Lescher, LCSW, offers ERP therapy for OCD in Boston, MA, and works virtually with individuals throughout Massachusetts and California. In this work, the focus is on helping you step out of the OCD cycle, reduce compulsions (including the mental ones), and build a steadier relationship with uncertainty over time.
Move Forward with Trust & Confidence Today
Whether you're navigating intrusive thoughts about health, relationships, performance, or the many everyday uncertainties that life inevitably brings, Jen Lescher, LCSW, is here to help you move forward with confidence and clarity.
If you're curious about what therapy could look like for you, either in Boston or Los Angeles, you're invited to reach out. This can be an opportunity to explore what support feels like for you, at your pace and on your terms.
Learn more about my approach to ERP therapy for OCD and anxiety
Start noticing your own patterns, especially moments when you feel pulled into analyzing or needing certainty
Additional Resources to Support Your Journey
In addition to personalized OCD therapy, I offer resources to help you carry what you're learning in sessions into everyday life. The Common OCD Themes page explores the intrusive thoughts and patterns many people experience, while the OCD and Social Life page looks at how OCD can impact friendships, dating, and relationships, along with practical ways to stay connected while managing symptoms.
About the Author: Jen Lescher
I'm a therapist, a coffee lover (one of my favorite daily comforts), and someone who values small moments of presence-whether that's mindfulness, photography, or a quiet walk. Photography, especially, helps me stay grounded and curious-two qualities I bring into my work with clients.
I've been drawn to healing and spirituality since my teens and have explored many approaches, from meditation to energy-based practices. At the same time, I'm just as likely to be blasting music in the car or listening to a true crime podcast. To me, healing isn't just about stillness-it also includes movement, humor, and joy.
I've worked in a variety of mental health settings since 2007, which shaped my belief that healing isn't one-size-fits-all. It's personal, evolving, sometimes messy, and always possible.
Training & Background
Inference-Based CBT (ICBT) for OCD - The OCD Training School & The Cognitive Behavioral Institute
Certified in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) - The Cognitive Behavioral Institute
Gottman Method Couples Therapy - Level 1
Master's in Social Work - Portland State University, 2012
