OCD and Dating Don’t Have to Be a Nightmare: What Therapy in Boston, MA Offers for Relationship-Related Anxiety

Just like no two people are the same, no two relationships are the same—and no two experiences of OCD are the same either. That’s because we all come from different backgrounds. We have different traumas, cultures, families, life experiences, TV shows we've seen, conversations we've had, experiences with health, sex, money—you name it. All of these things shape who you are: as a person, as a partner, and yes, in how your OCD shows up. This is also why no two people experience relationship OCD in exactly the same way.

What Makes Relationship OCD Unique?

So what does that mean? It means the way OCD affects your dating life is going to be completely unique to you. Even if you’ve been told you are experiencing Relationship OCD, your experience of it won’t look exactly like anyone else’s.

Maybe you experience Relationship OCD in Boston, MA, but don’t have a lot of insecure attachment (though in my experience, that’s less common). Maybe you don’t have ROCD at all, but you do have other OCD themes and a lot of anxiety around relationships. Feeling overwhelmed or confused yet? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you are—because that’s often what this experience feels like. Both OCD and relationships come with their own challenges, and when they intersect, things can get even more confusing.

Why Therapy Matters for Relationship OCD in Boston, MA

Working with a therapist who understands both OCD and attachment issues can help you make sense of what you're experiencing. It can also support you in building healthier relationships and feeling more secure while dating.

To clarify, not everyone with OCD struggles with relationships. A lot of people with OCD are in loving, healthy relationships. That’s actually really common. Many of the people I’ve worked with are in beautiful partnerships (notice I didn’t say perfect ones). At the same time, for those who have found relationships challenging, they’re learning to date more intentionally while managing OCD. I’ve seen many of my clients go on to build new, secure relationships — ones that feel more grounded and different from what they’ve experienced in the past.

Getting the Right Support for Relationship OCD

So, how do people with relationship OCD or relationship anxiety learn to have healthier relationships? Well, first of all—they’re getting help. That might mean OCD therapy, or it might mean self-education through books, podcasts, trainings, and other resources. This probably sounds obvious, but honestly? I don’t think it is. I see so many people not getting the support they need—and then wondering why things aren’t changing. The truth is, getting the right help can literally change your life.

If your OCD or anxiety is affecting your relationships, you’re going to need support at some point. That’s where compassionate OCD therapy services can help. Continuing to do the same things—obsessing, engaging in compulsions, avoiding communication, or falling into old patterns—isn’t going to get you the kind of connection you actually want.

Learning New Skills and Building Healthier Patterns

And if you're starting to feel that your OCD or anxiety is impairing your ability to be present in your relationships, then that’s a sign it’s time to learn new skills, shift old habits, and build different patterns. That’s hard work. It takes energy, persistence, and often someone beside you who believes in both you and the process—because changing patterns doesn’t usually feel good at first. It feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even scary. Without support, it’s easy to want to jump ship.

Facing Uncertainty in Relationships

In OCD therapy for Relationship OCD (ROCD), one of the big ideas we talk about is uncertainty in relationships.

There is no perfect roadmap. No guaranteed outcome. No way to know for sure that you're in the “right” relationship, or know how things will turn out. So instead, we work toward something much more sustainable: trust.

• Trusting how you feel about the relationship right now—without trying to predict the future.

• Understanding that our emotions toward our partners naturally fluctuate, and that doesn’t have to be an emergency the way OCD makes it feel—these shifts are actually expected.

• Learning to lean on trust — rather than chasing certainty or perfection in your relationship — means turning toward your own judgment, common sense, and lived experiences.

Coping with Relationship Anxiety

Coping with relationship anxiety involves many of the same themes.

We focus on building self-trust and learning to self-soothe, rather than outsourcing our sense of security to others or expecting someone else to manage our emotions for us. I see this a lot, especially in folks who lean more anxiously attached: reaching out to friends or family for advice as a way to soothe anxiety. And let me say this clearly—I’m all for emotional support. It’s a beautiful thing to reach out to people who love and care about you, but be careful who you’re taking advice from.

For example, if you’re constantly taking relationship advice from someone whose love life is kind of a disaster—or just doesn’t reflect the kind of relationship you want to build—it’s worth being a little more discerning. They may mean well, but not all feedback is created equal. To be clear, I’m not saying you should never take advice from someone who isn’t in an ideal relationship. What I am saying is: be discerning. Get clear on your own dealbreakers, and don’t compromise on them. This will help you learn to trust yourself. Practice directly communicating your needs, feelings, and when you need more information from your partner then ask the person you’re dating for clarification, not your friends or the internet to decode their behavior for you. If your partner is unable to be honest and direct with you in their response, well, that is information for you. Showing yourself that you can have honest, mature conversations will also help you trust yourself, and when you trust yourself, there is naturally less relationship anxiety.

Reducing Anxiety and Building Secure Connections

This is how we reduce relationship anxiety and build more secure connections. And interestingly, as people develop more secure relationships, I often see that they become less vulnerable to relationship OCD in Boston, MA. It makes sense — when overall anxiety is lower, the grip of OCD tends to loosen.

Find OCD Therapy in Boston, MA, and Beyond

In OCD therapy, I guide people through this process by helping them release the need to control their relationship, accept the uncertainty that comes with any relationship, let go of perfectionism, and source trust from within. If this sounds like something you could benefit from, then I would love to meet you. I offer virtual therapy for adults throughout Massachusetts and California, making support accessible no matter where you live in these states. Whether you’re navigating ROCD, relationship anxiety, or other challenges, you don’t have to be in Boston to begin this work. Help is available wherever you are in MA or CA.

Take the Next Step Toward Healing from Relationship OCD

If you’re struggling with relationship OCD in Boston, MA—or anywhere in Massachusetts or California—you don’t have to go through it alone. I offer specialized OCD therapy services designed to help you reduce anxiety, build trust, and create more secure connections. You can also learn more about me, an OCD therapist, and my approach to see how I support clients virtually across MA and CA.

Here’s how to begin:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what you’re experiencing and how therapy can help.

2. Start virtual OCD therapy from anywhere in MA or CA, designed to meet you where you are.

3. Build healthier, more grounded relationships by learning new skills and shifting old patterns.

Other Services Offered

In addition to individual OCD therapy, I provide extra resources to address common struggles many clients encounter. On the Common OCD Themes page, you’ll find explanations of frequent thought patterns and behaviors linked to OCD, which can help you feel less alone and more understood. I also share tools on the OCD and Social Life page, focusing on how to navigate friendships, dating, and relationships while living with OCD and anxiety. These offerings are designed to enhance your therapy journey, giving you both practical strategies and fresh perspectives to support growth beyond sessions.